-An update on the blog that’s coming NEXT week-
At 26 I thought I would have a lot more figured out. I never dreamed I would be unmarried, with 0% dating game. When I imagined the future I assumed by now that I would feel whole. My wounds, my shame, my everyday desire to be loved wouldn’t exist anymore. I was wrong. The older I get the more in-tune I come with the canyon in my soul filled with hurt and sin and things I don’t know how to fix. I spend many car rides, lunch dates, and late nights stirring on the world’s problems determined to fix them. Every day I realize how broken I am- how only by faith am I made in any way whole. I’ve talked with many women older and younger, if I took a survey I guarantee they would all say the same. There are many good and beautiful things in the life of a woman- but NONE are easy. All of them take substance and strength. Whether you run a household, a company, or a daycare - the fact of the matter is women make up 49.6% of the world’s population. We really do rule the world- a whole 1/2 of it. We need to know that the women raising our children, the women in our congress, the women teaching in our schools have the substance and strength to be world changers. The world is being changed by women whether we recognize it or not. Let’s identify the power we have to make a difference and get it done! Substance and strength are products of physical, emotional, and relational health. All three of those are tools in a tool box. They are not organic. You have to learn these life skills. The reason I am creating this content for women is because I believe there are millions of women young and old that have not invested in the three most important tools they have: physical, emotional, and relational health. I know that if we all became experts at these three things, it would change the world. It would raise little girls who would already have those tools in their toolbox. It would create women of substance all over the world - using their strength to live and love fearlessly. I don’t have enough answers for even my own questions. That’s the beauty of what we (you and me) will have on this new blog. This platform will be a collaboration of women who have become experts in different fields of physical, emotional, and relational health. I know I can’t solve the world’s problems on my own so I’m on a mission to find sisters who will help me get it done. I want to give you a space to share the tools you’ve found that give you strength & create substance in your life. Please contact me! I want to share your voice with other women so they can benefit from your story. My email: [email protected] My number: 503-551-1366 Send me a text or email, let’s get together and talk about physical, emotional, and relational health. How can we help women everywhere get those tools in their toolbox? Final Thoughts / Disclaimer: Some people will take what I’m saying here about my passion for women’s health and make me out to be some psycho man hater. To those people I say: pish posh! My dad is my hero, I’m surrounded by amazing men of good character, and all of them believe in the same things that I do. That women of substance and strength will create a better world for everyone! I actually hope to have men provide insight, encouragement, and expertise on this platform focused on championing women. Receiving empowerment from men has been a huge influence in my life and I hope it can be in other women’s lives! Any person that can’t get behind the improvement of emotional, physical, and relational health isn’t someone I care to win-over. That could be a man or a woman! I know plenty of women who thrive in disfunction and want everyone around them to also live in that reality. Y’all, I’m so EXCITED for what’s to come!!!! The world is ready for change- Let’s get it done sisters.
0 Comments
I like to make things simple.
When I decided to write about the head game, specifically insecurity and confidence, I forced myself to define both terms in a sentence or less. This is what I came up with. Insecurity: experiencing the lack or misplacement of identity Confidence: the understanding of identity Many people smarter than me fill entire books about the head game. I’m glad because whenever I need a pick-me-up, I can always find a hero who wrote a book that will make me better. Back to insecurity. That dirty word ruled my world for way too long. What I have quickly realized is the path of confidence is lonely. It is also hard. Like choosing confidence kicks my ass. It all rounds back to identity. Lack or misplacement of identity results in insecurity. How can you win your head game when you don’t even know who you are? Identity gives you the why. When I am losing my head game I misplace my identity in all sorts of things.
I used to think being insecure was hard. I was wrong. Like my friends at Whole30 would say, Cancer is hard. Living without an identity is easy. You just turn into whatever your environment demands you to be. Is it a devastation? Yes. Do you even have to try? Barely. The real work is choosing to understand your identity and CLAIM IT. Confidence can be lonely, but it is a road to wholeness. At least it has been for me. Personally, I find my identity in Christ. The pureness of that intimate understanding of who I am and who God is fuels everything I do. It helps me to lean-in on hard things and walk the lonely road. Jesus is the only way I know my why. My final thoughts are in the form of a love letter. Dear [say your name here], Let’s keep it simple. You deserve more. Not from anyone else, but from yourself. Live your life with confidence. Choose to do the work to claim your identity. Figure out your why and don’t spend time on anything that doesn’t surround that. You are not a chameleon. You are not a Labrador. You are a person with a soul. Don’t let the world teach you to sit and lay down. Misbehave. Get your head game straight so you can win every day. Love, Your Friend Who’s in it With You My path has ever looked like what I wanted it to. I'm not a planner like "I'm going to do ____ by 2019", but I am a dreamer & a level 10 control freak. I have a specific idea of who I want to be and where I want my life to go.
I snapped a photo of this city-scape 10 years ago out the window of a taxi in Urumqi, China. I look at this now, and it makes me ache. I spent the entire time I lived in China not wanting to be there. I didn't appreciate the beauty. I didn't take advantage of every adventure. I wasted many opportunities sulking in my room or messaging my friends in the states. When I was 17 I started school @Corban Univeristy. I loved science. I knew I was going to kill it in pre-Med and become a hot-shot doctor. People would respect me, I would have the resources to travel & do anything I wanted. I was going to live the mother loving dream. Instead I failed out my senior year. Everyone who bet against me, I proved them right. My dreams about success were dead wrong. I was just some loser girl with a bike who worked at Red Lobster. Each year of my early 20s I told myself "this is the year." This is the year I'm going to find my guy. Every boyfriend was my forever, until they weren't. Throughout my childhood into college my friendships were carried-out in body bags. I longed for community and friends. My insecurity & neediness drove anyone away from me quite quickly. I kindly give anyone in this state the title of "love monster." People so deprived of relationship they will devour any love they are able to locate. Picture a human PAC-man. He never has enough of those dots. I spent years as a consumer, devastated that my friendships didn't last. Confused why no one stuck around. By the time college happened, I had outgrown many of these patterns. But I was scarred. Every friendship defined my worth. I was determined to be like-able and relevant. I wanted to feel included and important. Instead of investing in the friendships I had, I was always a step ahead. Trying to win-over everyone. I felt that if I was loved by many, I would finally arrive. In school, in love, in friendship; I nose-dived as I failed to "make it all happen." The more I tried to control my outcomes, the more dissatisfied I was with my results. This year in August I turn 26. There is one thing that I have discovered as I get older; the awareness of time. Time is the highest commodity out there, not even matched by money itself. While I spent the past decade wishing my life was different, my life HAPPENED. Time doesn't wait for us to be satisfied with our situation. I stole years from myself, crying in the car over my precious plans. When I die, which I will, I don't want a movie of my life to show a sad girl who does nothing but mourn what could or should have been. If I could tell every young person in the world one thing it would be "don't waste the time you have wishing your life was different!" When I look back, I have missed out on so much because I was busy trying to "make my life happen." The friends I could have had if I had stopped being so obsessed with dating.[Which is hilarious, because I could not be more single.] The pain I would have avoided by embracing what and who I was in the moment. The education & opportunities I turned down because I wasn't present; I wasn't checked-in to my own life. If you're reading this and you're feeling me, join me. Join me in taking the time we have seriously. No complaining, no whining, Using every God-given moment to be extraordinary. Ask me in 4 years what I did for the last of my 20s. I'll tell you how God used me, how He grew me, and hopefully- how I didn't waste a single second. My life as a young adult in book-form would be probably be titled “what not to do with your life.”
I love it, because sometimes the church makes being a Christian sound easy. And that’s crap. Every year of my 20’s leading up to February 2015 was headlined by some dramatic lesson learned like “failing out of college” or “owing your landlord $900.” Last spring I reached a moment where I finally wasn’t drowning – And I woke up. In a few short months I moved out on my own, broke up with my boyfriend, and got serious about the life God was calling me into. I started a new job I love which is more challenging than anything I’ve ever done. And I transitioned from Sprague High school after 5 years of volunteering to Judson Middle School in a new leadership role. My friend Kelley taught me a phrase last week, “all change is loss.” Which helps explain the number of times I’ve cried in my car over the past 12 months. When I look back and realize everything new and beautiful and hard and adventurous about this year started with one prayer, I get chills. On an early Friday morning after campaigners I prayed “ God, I’m scared that what is next won’t be worth it. But I’m going to give it all up for You.” Not because I’m super Godly or have it together-- but because in a moment of bravery I went for it. And it was worth it. If you are in your 20's and navigating the path of growing up. Take heart! It's hard, and that is ok. God is on the back porch waiting for you to come home. What would it look like to run to Him with abandon? Imagine what God could do in you & through you! I've always been afraid to be single and 40.
Which is hilarious because I'm only 24. I'm afraid of something that might happen 2 1/2 decades from now. How did I get like this? Somehow I started to believe that women who change the world, women who have big hearts, women who experience community- those women aren't single. What I have found is that I am a sexist. I thought I loved women, that I was proud of being one, but clearly I'm not. When did I get like this? I'm not sure. Somewhere probably around 5th grade. Growing up when I didn't feel whole, when my brokenness was raw and I felt unlovable, I was comforted by this "truth": "God has the perfect guy waiting for you. He is handsome and nice and everything you've ever wanted. Just wait and be patient for him to show up." How's that for coaching healthy self esteem? Let's be clear, The love story God has planned is mine and His. Not romantic love, but the love of a daughter for her father and it is EPIC. How dare I assume Him to do more than give me the greatest gift I've ever received - grace. A second chance. Eternal life. The greatest love story ever told is His with ours. The idea that this epic story is not enough, it's pathetic. God gave us each other to love and be loved. To have community, and friendship, and learn. Marriage has a place in that whirlwind of human relationship. It is a small reflection, a tiny glimpse at the most incredible love in existence. All my life I was made a promise no one can keep. There is no guarantee from The Creator of the universe that every young lady will have a man who loves them right. Instead God does us one better - He wrote an entire book of Him chasing after us. Pursuing our hearts, overcoming every obstacle to get to us. To be whole, We don't need to make up fake promises or pretend we know what's around the corner. God's story of love is more than enough to carry us through. -Lily Im single, so I suppose Valentines day really isnt "for me". But I dont care. I love it! If you know me, theres many things I cant get right. Im rarely organized, I curse often, and I dont have an "inside" voice. There is more, I promise. For me, the only thing I really care about getting right is loving people. And with Jesus as my mentor in love I have a fighting chance. Valentines day is such a beautiful excuse to practice. Because EVERYONE needs "I love yous". Moms, dads, brothers, sisters, singles, marrieds, sons, and daughters. I think about the days in my life I needed an "I love you". I didnt update my facebook or text a friend, I was alone. The people who loved me took the time to SEE me and fill the NEED for love in my life. So today, Lets spend our time thinking about who in our lives needs an "I love you", a hug, or a special treat. Instead of making Valentines Day exclusive, Everyone get a hand in. Loving Big & Loving Loud, Lily In 2015 I... -worked at the hospital -overcame my fear of the highway -moved out on my own -hiked 20 new trails -started Wyldlife at Judson Middle School -joined the team @ St Thomas Covenant Church PLUG: If you live in Salem and are looking for a good community text me so we can get coffee. -got a new job Im excited about (!!!!) -went to my first beaver game -passed my state licensing exam for P&C -went to China This was the year of hard work, no sleep, pure joy, and new things. Cheers to the friends who have loved me well through it all. You are truly a gift from God. God used this year to do a work in my heart. I learned to be softer, more faithful, and trust a plan I couldn't see in front of me. The headline of 2015? Wyldlife at Judson Middle School. Need a quick explanation about what wyldlife is? https://www.younglife.org/ForEveryKid/WyldLife/Pages/WyldLifeLearnMore.aspx This summer one of my favorite people, Adanya, called me from work crew at Washington Family Ranch. In our conversation she told me "lil, all of my friends just got back from camp with their Wyldlife kids-- I want that!" This young woman I had been mentoring wanted more. You can't say no to that! I immediately texted my friend Nat and asked him to pray about it. Through a chain of events I can only describe as perfectly planned by God- In September I was the head leader at a new school with a team of people I truly love. Three months has been more than enough evidence that we have been purposed to be here at this school. So I am running, not walking, into 2016 because God isn't finished with us yet - the race is not yet won, and the work is plenty. Happy New Year! Lily To the young women who have utterly changed my life: Tomorrow is the first day of your senior year. I couldn't be more proud of you. Watching you grow has been the privilege of a lifetime. Thank you for saying yes to living life together. For letting me be lame, And even sometimes pretending you dig it. My prayer for you is a year of memories. A year of beautiful becoming. I hope you go to prom and actually have fun. I pray this year is a last chance to be a kid. To laugh and dance and drink way too much Dutch. That you would feel beautiful in your own skin. I hope for God sized dreams. I pray for unscripted love in your lives. Dear Seniors, I love you. I can't wait to see how you change the world. I live with two sweet little girls who have changed my life completely. Their names are Maci-Jo and Lily (or as we call her, "little lily").
Anyone with kids is familiar with the phases of movie obsessions. For almost six months we couldn't get through the day without listening to/singing/watching/dancing to Let It Go from Frozen. Then Lilo and Stitch hit. For two months we watched one of the four Lilo and Stitch movies on Netflix daily, sometimes more than once. After you see enough of one children's movie there are stages, similar to that of grief, that you go through. First, there is denial--"we don't REALLY watch it that much", or, "they'll get tired of it eventually." Second, anger--you don't ever want to see it again. Third, negotiation--what about Aristocats? what about Despicable Me? What about ANYTHING but Lilo and Stitch? Fourth, acceptance--fine, okay, this movie IS awesome. During our Lilo and Stitch adventure, which still isn't quite over, I have become pretty attached to the word Ohana. I researched the word to see if it had any real background. It turns out, that the producers took a field trip to Hawaii as a way of gathering inspiration for the movie. Chris Sanders, the director, heard his tour guide use the word Ohana to tell stories about the many extended families throughout Hawaii. For any of you who haven't seen Lilo and Stitch, Ohana is used in the film to express family values. They say, "Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind." I can identify a lot with this idea of family. Many times in my life, I should have been left behind. But because people around me considered me family, they stuck around. There's something beautiful about people choosing to love you, and live life with you, when you're a piece of work. For the past five years I have volunteered with an outfit called YoungLife. My passion for high-school kids comes from remembering what it was like for me at their age. I wasn't underprivileged, I had a great family, I had good friends, but my heart was in pieces. High-school was spent full of self-hate, insecurity, lies, painful self-discovery, addiction, broken relationships, and depression. I often cringe at the kind of friend, and person I was at 17. My idea of healthy, my idea of love was so twisted. There was a short list of people who made me their family. I didn't become a new person in the wake of their love. Many of them never got to see the results of their selflessness. But they never chose to embarrass me or force me to see the ugly mess that I was. They loved me in a way that made me feel normal, whole, and like I wasn't a total mistake. To me, that's Ohana. Two main examples would be the ministry of love professed to me by Yvonne Karlsson, and the Welch family. When I think about my time with these people I turn very red from humiliation, and am so abundantly grateful for the love and grace they dealt-out to me. It's painful to relive the most broken versions of ourselves, but it's important to remember where we have been. Yvonne treated me like I was normal. She had me come over to her big-girl house and always let me know it was okay to be silly. She cooked in her kitchen with a giant cleaver and took everything I said seriously. Even when I tested her with dumb stuff, and my deepest secrets, it all mattered to her. I still have every sheet of music paper she ever gave me. She was the example of constant faithfulness and grace. The Welch family. What can I say? I think about my time with them, over many years, and I just don't get it. If anything I caused more mischief than I was worth, but their family loved me more than I really thought anyone could. I felt at home, accepted, and wanted even at my most outrageous. They continue to be an example of the type of family I would love to have of my own someday. From the parents to the kids, they're not perfect, but they certainly are some rock stars who know what it looks like to love and have fun. I'm passionate about not leaving anyone behind, because that's how God's love works. None of us deserve to be a part of the family, but we get a seat at the table anyways. In the past six months I have spent a lot of time thinking about how my words reflect what's going on in my heart. It's a simple idea but one I needed to give more time to. I have especially noticed grace lacking between women. I don't know why women struggle with loving each other in a genuine way, but we do. I myself am exhausted by my hearts continuous desire to put other women down because of my own insecurities. I justify this by choosing people I know who aren't popular or people who are difficult to give grace to in the first place. In my own personal observations, I have seen many women do the same. I'll go even more specific and say women in the church. Women affiliated with the church hide behind the rules and their own righteousness to justify gossip, judgment, and overall a lack of Grace. I'm not pointing fingers, because I'm part of the problem. This attitude of justified hatred ruins the women around us, even people we claim to be our friends. My guess is, any woman who reads this can think of another woman who has brought her to a point of hopelessness and self-hate. Most women could probably think of several female figures in their life that have deeply scarred them with gossip, lies, and a lack of love. There are specific women I avoid altogether because I know that when I am with them they will make me feel like I don't matter. Christian women who claim to love the Lord and what flows out of their hearts is nothing but self-absorption and lies. I'm terrified that there are women everywhere who look at their friendships with me as a source of damage or gossip. It's always hard to go first. To be the one to say "hey guys let's not talk about her anymore." Or "I think she's awesome and we need to give her a chance." Maybe, you need to apologize when you tear someone to pieces with your words. If you are like me, when a woman pretends to love you- you know it's not real. Love isn't an act, it can't be mimicked. Genuine, heartfelt grace has to come from your heart. Which is what makes all of this so damn hard. My heart is black and blue with more than I even know how to express. My only hope is that despite the messed up parts God can use my heart to live a better story- One that uplifts the women around me with words of truth, acts of love, and a heart of grace. Below is a picture of two women who have been running towards this image of grace my whole life. I'm so thankful for their example of genuine love. |
AuthorMy name is Lily. Archives
October 2016
Categories |