First, SUCH a good movie. Seriously, go watch it. Right now. Second, yesterday I was feeling a little tired of my "normal" life and my everyday problems. So I decided to dream a little. I think it's ok to dream once and awhile. Thinking about the future helps give me hope. Dreaming helps me relax and refocus on WHY the things I'm doing now matter. When I think about where I'm GOING it helps me be happier about where I AM. This is what I came up with for my bucket-list: -have coffee with Bob Goff, and be real friends. and maybe sweet maria too?! -learn how to slow dance. like really, because right now its bad. -buy land in the mountains by my parent's and grandparent's cabins. -get a tattoo -meet a guy I dig, plan a kick-ass wedding, and ham it up. -have balloons and confetti released from the ceiling like I'm a rockstar. -be on YL camp program. -have babies. (from Africa or from my uterus, either one is good) -get a contract with Lonely Planet as a writer -graduate nursing school, be the best nurse ever. -go to Mardi Gras in Louisiana, and PARTY. but not too hard. -buy a kayak, and go every weekend. rain or shine. -experience the miracle of dog birth, take care of a litter of puppies and give them away. -own a rooster -write a book -go to something fancy enough to wear my Hollywood dress. you would understand if you saw it. -be an aunt (no pressure, Ally) -make up my own holiday -watch a conjoined twin surgery Where we are is so little about what we have or what we want, but who we choose to be moment by moment. Don't let yourself get stuck in the muck of today. It's just one day, one time, one place. Look at the big picture and inspire yourself to continue on. Our lives do not develop in one moment, but in a long string of choices made each day, every hour, and any second. Dream big about who you want to be. Then stand-tall, set yourself straight, and walk towards the future. Take a risk in each moment to invest in tomorrow. Be bold enough to choose who you are this second, today. You don't have a say in who you were yesterday, but you have a voice in who you are today and tomorrow. I think we forget how much freedom we have to choose our own paths. There is so much you can't change in this life. The one thing you can always change is your direction. Don't give-up on today. The moments that feel like they don't mean anything are leading to tomorrow. Changing diapers or doing homework or going to work all play a part in our wildest dreams. We must choose to give meaning to these times in our lives because how we live in today dictates the life we wake-up to tomorrow. This is me when I was eight. I had no idea who I was becoming or who I wanted to be.
Believe it or not, I still have that jacket sitting in my closet. I grew into it, I became a person. Now I look ahead 14 years and think what kind of legacy will I live along the way? How can I move towards that woman today? [There's a fish posing with me. It definitely wasn't my first one, but we were fishing in the rain and I think my dad was trying to keep me hyped.]
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It's Wednesday, again. And I brought along some friends. Today I asked anyone I could this question: What makes you feel awkward? These are their answers: Quiet people. When I am the last person to pick up on sarcasm that I dont understand. When I have to admit I am a failure. When I am at a party, and the couple people I know are talking to someone else. When I am right, but cant tell them, and have to listen to them talk anyways. One thing that makes me feel awkward is when I am hanging out with a group but I only know one or two people in the group and everyone in the group is reminiscing about funny things that have happened to them and I am just sitting there like "I dont know what to do." I always feel awkward when my parents talk about me to my family members. When people give me praise or compliments, or when they have heard about me before I meet them. When people stare at me for a long period of time. Peeing in a public bathroom! Having someone like you and you don like the back and everything just becomes really awkward. When my kids scream in the super market and everyone stares. When someone stands over you watching you and you know they are there but dont want them there. When you go up for a high five and they dont return it. When someone I dont know talks to me. Personal space violations_ When someone waves at me and its not actually at me. I feel awkward when someone gives a political viewpoint that I know is opposite of mine (or someone that were with). When Im with someone who loudly complains in a restaurant. When Im about to poop in a public restroom and somebody walks in to the bathroom. When people are really emotional in public and you dont know what to do. Getting rejected in public. Unanswered questions Meeting your girlfriends parents for the first time. Giving presentations that you dont know anything about. When Im not confident in the way I fixed my hair or the outfit I wore and people stare at me for a long time. When I mess-up in front of an audience. I get so awkward when people I dont know well start getting too personal. Hugging the wrong person. Sitting next to people I have a crush on. Walking into the wrong classroom. “When a Viagra commercial comes on while sitting next to my dad. When Im talking to someone and they spit on me Or when youre at someones house for the first couple times, and you finish before the rest of the family and just have to awkwardly sit there and wait, Being around a couple that is arguing Its really awkward when someone gives me a compliment because I dont know how to react. It makes me feel awful. I feel awkward when I say something and people dont understand. When guys flirt with me or show any interest at all I just want to run and hide. When I dont want people to give me hugs and I say no. I feel awkward when everyone is staring at me
Boys, I love you. But today, this one is for my ladies. I am a very tall, little person, with a little junk in the trunk, and some extra on the side. That's me. My freshman year of college I spent every morning standing in front of my mirror and saying "I'm so fat." I was so afraid of gaining the "freshman 15" I lost 10 pounds my first semester. Women look in a mirror to reassure themselves. I see myself and want to feel strong, see beauty, and be worthy. What I used to see in the mirror was imperfection and I hated it. I was a detective of ugliness, and the evidence was stacking-up against me. It didn't help that my friends are beautiful. I know I'm not alone in this. Do you ever scroll through Instagram and feel jealous of the gorgeous women in your life well-up inside you? I do. I see the beautifully manicured faces and carefully modeled bodies that I couldn't be if I tried. They aren't models in magazines or celebrities in Hollywood, they are my friends. I see a lot of fingers pointed at Hollywood and the media for who is making the women of this world see ugly in the mirror. I think it's a fundamental issue older than Tyra Banks and Cosmo. What if our human desire to be perfect is the problem? Maybe air-brushing and runways is our modern-day answer for century-old insecurities. What can we do? We can fight for each other. Part of this pit of ugliness and self-hate is being in it alone. I can tell myself I'm beautiful all day, but when I'm around other women who treat me with love and respect, I know I'm worthy, and I feel beautiful. Also, let's do away with the lady-hating. No more bitches, whores, or sluts. Even when it's funny, every time we use those words we are saying "women don't matter, even to other women." Perfection is not possible, and that hurts. But imperfection is not as bad as we tell ourselves. Let's not lie and say the stretch marks on my butt are beautiful, because we all know they are not. Instead lets look in the mirror and have love for what we see. I believe God made my body, and I believe He made it to be beautiful. Not because every square-inch of my body is mcsexy, but because it is built for a purpose: to be loved, adored, and respected. Sisters, mothers, daughters, and girlfriends, we are all at different mile-markers of the same highway. Grab a hand, because we were made to love and be loved. --Don't take an exit for anything less. Below is a series of women who all weigh the same, but own different bodies. I love the picture of them all standing tall together. They are bad-ass beautiful women proudly fighting against the ugly, battling together for the beauty. It's not the number on the scale, or the meat on your hips, it's you and your girlfriends deciding to walk the path of love together. Choose beauty, because ugly isn't worth your time anyways. Monday morning I walked up to my Barista, she asked me what I would like today. I smiled, and like a stroke victim, said "hi welcome to red lobster, how can I help you?" That's me. Hello, my name is Lily Fairman, and I make people uncomfortable. My Barista was kind enough to overlook my craziness and continue the ordering process. However, I knew it was weird, and so did she. What about boys? For most of my life I blamed them for all the painfully awkward encounters. As I have matured I see that I am at fault for almost all of these "situations". They make for great stories, but living them is not half as fun as telling them. Someday I imagine a very confident, resilient man will be able to overlook my lack of male/female social skills. Until that day, all I can do is laugh about it. One of these classic moments was the time I spit a giant, masticated piece of pizza on Bob Marley in the eighth grade. We had gone camping that weekend, and were all happily eating pizza around the picnic table. He was one of the guys in youth group who was nice and cute enough to have every girl like him just a little bit. I have always had a problem with talking, probably always will. Eating doesn't usually change that. I was young, I was talking, and a giant piece of soggy pizza flew from my mouth onto Bob Marley's back. The worst part? He didn't notice. Even worse? Everyone else did. I panicked and reached my arm around his back to casually brush it off. He thought I was making some sort of romantic gesture. He shrugged me off! The entire table was laughing. He looked at me humiliated, and annoyed. Like I was some weird girl who liked him a little too much. What he didn't know, is that I just didn't want him to realize I was the girl who spit food on him. These moments? They're life. It happens. And we're dedicating Wednesdays to talking about them. #awkwardwednesdays Here are some of my awkward inspirations:
I started a new devotional this weekend. At the end of one of the pages I found this striking quote:
Too often do I let my life become insignificant. I dismiss moments as trivial lapses of time with no purpose or plan. I sleep-in late, I worry about money, I check my facebook ten times, I watch Netflix, I obsess over relationships. What if I seized every moment as a precious second to do something full of meaning? God is the power in-play here, but He gives me time and a life to do with as I please. As I live and make choices, they are embedded into an eternity I am apart of. This morning I woke up exhausted. When I opened my eyes, I didn't feel the peace I usually feel in the mornings. Usually I use my waking hours to rest and be comforted by God and enjoy the world while it's sleeping. As an extrovert I spend my days outputting constantly, by the time I go to bed I'm running on empty. I need those hours at the beginning of my day to just breathe. Today I let the morning getaway from me. I woke up late, I didn't have time to set my heart up for a good day. Before I had a chance to drink my coffee, I was feeling the burden of today's anxieties. On days like today I have a choice to make about my life. When I wake up and feel the temptation to sleep-in a little and skip the time I know I need, or start to worry about the things I can't change, I have a choice to make. I can choose to seize the moments I have been given to love deeply, find joy, and pursue truth. Or I can waste the seconds God deals out to satisfy my whims of selfishness. Seizing the day is a lot less about doing anything more than everyday life, and a lot more about taking every moment as a chance to invest in eternity. |
AuthorMy name is Lily. Archives
October 2016
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