In the past six months I have spent a lot of time thinking about how my words reflect what's going on in my heart. It's a simple idea but one I needed to give more time to. I have especially noticed grace lacking between women. I don't know why women struggle with loving each other in a genuine way, but we do. I myself am exhausted by my hearts continuous desire to put other women down because of my own insecurities. I justify this by choosing people I know who aren't popular or people who are difficult to give grace to in the first place. In my own personal observations, I have seen many women do the same. I'll go even more specific and say women in the church. Women affiliated with the church hide behind the rules and their own righteousness to justify gossip, judgment, and overall a lack of Grace. I'm not pointing fingers, because I'm part of the problem. This attitude of justified hatred ruins the women around us, even people we claim to be our friends. My guess is, any woman who reads this can think of another woman who has brought her to a point of hopelessness and self-hate. Most women could probably think of several female figures in their life that have deeply scarred them with gossip, lies, and a lack of love. There are specific women I avoid altogether because I know that when I am with them they will make me feel like I don't matter. Christian women who claim to love the Lord and what flows out of their hearts is nothing but self-absorption and lies. I'm terrified that there are women everywhere who look at their friendships with me as a source of damage or gossip. It's always hard to go first. To be the one to say "hey guys let's not talk about her anymore." Or "I think she's awesome and we need to give her a chance." Maybe, you need to apologize when you tear someone to pieces with your words. If you are like me, when a woman pretends to love you- you know it's not real. Love isn't an act, it can't be mimicked. Genuine, heartfelt grace has to come from your heart. Which is what makes all of this so damn hard. My heart is black and blue with more than I even know how to express. My only hope is that despite the messed up parts God can use my heart to live a better story- One that uplifts the women around me with words of truth, acts of love, and a heart of grace. Below is a picture of two women who have been running towards this image of grace my whole life. I'm so thankful for their example of genuine love.
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AuthorMy name is Lily. Archives
October 2016
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