I am a people pleaser. My soul finds happiness and belonging in others. I love to love on other people. Strangely, I enjoy loving strangers, sometimes more than my own friends. Its an odd source of joy that comes from the happenings of my story. Somehow my experiences taught me to find value in helping others. In the love, appreciation, and trust others have for me. My deepest desire is to please everyone, to bring contentment and satisfaction to the people around me. In a broken world like this, with the brokenness inside of me, I have come to realize that the desires of my heart to please people often hurt more than they heal. Through this journey I have found myself fall sick to a disease that I think many people like me struggle with. The disease of self-denial. In my past I have consumed myself so much in the lives of others, that I have been able to hide from my brokenness. I have let my own personal needs, wants, and dreams become second to my desire to please others. I have compromised my own opinions to make amends and keep friendships. People like me, we tell ourselves that we need to deny ourselves to truly love others. What I have found is that the moment you stop caring about your own well being, is the moment you are unable to pour into the people around you. When you decide to please people you are committing yourself to a relationship that is not based on truth. You are committing to relationships that start-out life-giving and end bitter, awkward, and strained. You are trying to heal others with love you alone don't have to give. There are some truths I have learned to grab onto:
A wise woman I knew a few years back told me about a much older lady she knew. This old lady was widowed at a younger age of fifty and lived alone. But she mentored my friend and she would tell her, "always treat yourself the way you would treat a guest." This beautiful old soul made a gourmet dinner every night, just for herself. She would use linen table clothes and set the table with her favorite dishes. I love that. Friends, these are some simple thoughts from a health science major. I don't know what I'm doing when it comes to this writing stuff. This is to my fellow people-pleasers, Because we're all in this together.
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AuthorMy name is Lily. Archives
October 2016
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